Friday, August 22, 2008

MN Guide

Welcome to the MN Guide!

You start off riding with your family in a car, to a parking lot. Sounds pretty normal. Well it is. You park your car on the street because the lot is full, which is also normal; especially for high quality, main attraction type events. Like the MN fair? It has potential.
You wait for a bus for about 15 min, and when the bus comes, it is full. Well almost full, there is a little bit of room for you to stand the whole way...but that option goes out the window when 5 out of the 15 ahead of you decide to take it.
No Worries, another bus comes about 5 minutes later. You make a note to yourself to do a science fair project about the time it takes between buses and hypothesis whether there is a better way to do it.
Well you get on the bus, you sit with your family and you drive to the fair. The bus has AC, and other people on it. That is normal too. FYI.
You get to the bus lot, you buy your tickets from a ticket stand where both the old man, and the young girl don't know how to use their credit card machine. Wait...yes they do! Oh, never mind. Ah! They can! Uh, scratch that. After many attempts to get it going, they figure it out.
You have your tickets, your mom's camera, and clean shoes. You are ready to go.
They take your ticket on the other side of the street, and just like, that, you are in the fair.
It looks something like this.









Except it would be your parents, and not mine walking in front of you. Of course!
The air is filled with the smells of things cooking - mostly meat. I suppose that if Glade was to name the smell, they would call it BBQ Delight. I'd love to see a commercial convincing people that their house should smell like it.
Anyways, they next thing you notice is that the streets are packed. Well not packed, but there are a lot of people who chose to come to the fair.













After moments of dodging the crowds you decide that you need to seek refuge in one of the buildings. Reader should note, that dodging the crowds is some serious business. You have people who are walking always looking to their left, and people who are walking always looking to their right. There are those backing up their strollers without warning, and those who decide to stop at one specific spot in the space time continuum. (When they started moving again, I tried standing in those specific spots, but I didn't think they were especially special.) anyways...
You enter the AGRICULTURE BUILDING. That sounds exotic. Especially because you are a city type and don't get to be on a farm all that often, just every other... century or so. You quickly realize that coming into the building wasn't refuge at all, but rather opportunities for more people who only look to their left and right to stop instantaneously right in front of you, and decide to back up their strollers into you, with nowhere to escape. So you tough it out and follow the crowds.
You eye the corn contest and check out all the contesting corns.



















That was exciting. So was the bread contests...


Notice how the challah didn't win. Honestly I don't know why I wanted you to notice that, but it didn't. Poor challah.
You then follow the crowds into the vegetable contest room. Here is where the people who live close to nuclear reactors get to show off their produce:

It is hard to understand how big this pumpkin is. It is 835 lbs. But that doesn't help you with size. Below I added a reference:


So there you have it. That pumpkin is bigger than my head.
Other mutant veggies included:

Watermelon,

zucchini,

and just about everything else you could buy at Publix.

After leaving the room, don't forget to duck out of the doorway. I could have sworn I grew a foot or two in there.
You then walk around and hear lectures about global Cooling, and windmills; the energy of the future, though I am pretty sure that windmills have been around since the industrial revolution. Oh and don't forget that you you can watch to judges at the wine tasting contest.


I wonder if you can complain that your wine didn't win because it was tasted last and the judge was a little wobbly then...who knows, I never found out. I was soon after startled by the nearby scarecrow. And his wife...

Before exiting the AGRICULTURE building, you make a point to visit the other exhibits which are there, and you enjoy the foliage of the flowers and plants.


Finally, you have seen it all and are ready to rejoin the masses on the streets. Don't get too carried away now, they still back up their strollers into you.
The weather is nice and you are really glad that it is not raining. Just because you don't want to get wet. Even though if your girlfriend was there, she would make you go on this water ride,

and you would get wet anyways. I suppose then you wouldn't mind the rain so much.
I suppose if you were going on rides, you wouldn't want to miss the haunted house.

I didn't do it, but that was because I didn't get wet.
I don't think the two go together...being wet and doing the haunted house.
(BTW, I'm pretty sure this was the other house my parents were looking at in MN when they were buying a house here...)
If you don't like the rides then you can walk around looking for something to eat. But you are have a dilemma. You are walking through the fair, you have your camera in one hand, and it would make whatever you wanted to eat, hard to eat. No fears, the FAIR has you covered. They sell all their food, and every food imaginable on a stick. Here is what I mean:

Hot Dog on a stick. Thats normal.

Chicken Breats on a stick, Pork Chops on a stick. Creative.


What is a long dog on a stick? Weird.

Chocolate covered fruit on a stick. Yummy!


Cheese on a stick? I suppose it is good if you really like cheese.

Then things started getting a little weird...and gross...see for yourself...



Then I came across this...I remember thinking. At least it is not on a stick...

Wait....I was wrong. I didn't look up high enough.

And then I knew for sure that I had seen everything. well almost.


I wonder if someone sold the sticks for all these things at the fair. Then they could have sold sticks on a stick.
Well if rides and sticks aren't for you, then you can check out the livestock. Just keep an eye on the floor for deposited piles of doo.

Yes, it is even crowded in the birthing barn. Oh, and yes...a birthing barn. animals get pregnant too.

Every animal you would find on Old McDonald's farm was there. And it is true, there were Baa Baa's here and there.

And every animal which is not on his farm:
Alpacas...

Elk...

and buffalo.

We were in too much of a rush getting some roasted corn to actually go pet these animals, but I am sure we could have if we wanted to.
The corn was yummy, but the best part was where we were supposed to discard our cobs...
The Compost pile!


After all this, our legs were getting tired. As the day went on, more leftward and rightward lookers entered the park, and things got out of control. We were almost at the entrance and we came across the Dairy building. they don't have hecshers at the MN fair, but at least they separate their milk and meat.

We went inside to get some ice-cream and along the way, we saw this.

I guess my heksher hypothesis was wrong. So it goes. The ice-cream line will be too long. Go get ice-cream elsewhere. Oh, while you are in the dairy building, don't forget to watch the butter sculpting:


It is the next best thing next to American Idol.
Anyways, you then left the fair, wait for a bus for half an hour, barely get seats on the bus, and then you can say goodbye to all the leftward and rightward lookers. You can then walk to you car, go home, and make a website.

Is that enough to think about?

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